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	<title>Noise - JF★</title>
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	<link>http://jamesflamestar.com</link>
	<description>James Flamestar - The Beautiful Disaster</description>
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		<title>Stargazers album released</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/stargazers-album-released/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/stargazers-album-released/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 25 Apr 2013 23:00:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Random]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=308</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey folks, If you haven&#8217;t been following on via social media, the Stargazers album is now out! The streaming set is below &#8211; if you feel like supporting indie music then the link to purchase your very own digital copy is here! More articles to follow &#8211; a break has been taken following the launch [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey folks,</p>
<p>If you haven&#8217;t been following on via social media, the Stargazers album is now out! The streaming set is below &#8211; if you feel like supporting indie music then the link to purchase your very own digital copy is <a title="JF bandcamp" href="http://jamesflamestar.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">here</a>!</p>
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<p>More articles to follow &#8211; a break has been taken following the launch on the 20th! Stay tuned for more news!</p>
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		<item>
		<title>How to write an album: Part Three</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-three/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-three/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2013 01:52:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Updates]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=283</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Between other projects, real life, and falling in love/getting engaged I haven&#8217;t had a great deal of time to keep everyone updated on how the album is coming along and where things are up to. That is now going to change! While the music front is progressing slowly (with 4 completed drafts marked for the [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong><span class="shortcode-typography" style="font-family: 'OFL Sorts Mill Goudy TT'; font-size: 16px; color: #ffffff;">So, this post is long overdue, I know.</span></strong> <span class="shortcode-typography" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; color: #000000;"></span> Between other projects, real life, and falling in love/getting engaged I haven&#8217;t had a great deal of time to keep everyone updated on how the album is coming along and where things are up to.</p>
<p>That is now going to change!</p>
<p>While the music front is progressing slowly (with 4 completed drafts marked for the album), the graphic novel for the album (by the amazing <a title="Shane W Smith" href="shanewsmith.com/" target="_blank">Shane W Smith</a>) is nearing completion! Originally his work was slated to be a tiny excerpt from the storyline of the concept album, though after some discussion and Shane&#8217;s passionate work, it has turned into a 3-volume comic spanning the main storyline. I&#8217;m really excited to give everyone some teaser information about the comic today, and paint a bit of the background as to the world of Stargazers. Later this week I&#8217;ll be doing a further update giving a glimpse of how the music production is coming along, tying in some of the storyline elements and characters with the music itself.</p>
<p><strong>The world of Stargazers</strong></p>
<p>The Stargazers universe is set in a dystopian universe, split into many factions and nations. In this world, Music is regulated and kept under firm control by many governments and corporations, some going so far as to ban it entirely. To this world, the passion and emotion that this medium breeds is dangerous. Music can create rebellions. It can challenge the status quo. It can be a drug that changes an ordinary man into something greater.</p>
<p>Enter the Stargazers.</p>
<p>The Stargazers, led by James Flamestar, are a band. A bohemian group of rebels, united by their love for music and forced to live a nomadic life as they are systematically pursued by those who seek to bring them to justice for the rebellions they sew with their music. So they fight. They play. They move from one city to another, their music a rallying call to the downtrodden and oppressed.</p>
<p>Until they arrive at Bae Law Song.</p>
<p>Bae Law Song, one of the cities on the nation of Kaelgos, carries the reputation of being one of the more unpredictable cities to live in. Like the other citadels that adorn the country, Kaelgos is a location of one of the priestesses. The legends surrounding these females are varied and lengthy, with much of their history made murky by folklore and hearsay. What those of this universe <em>can</em> agree on, is that each priestess leads a life both blessed and cursed. Each priestess is inexplicably linked to the weather with her emotions &#8211; should she be happy, the sun is bright, the day is warm and the flowers arch their back to the sky. Should she be sad, the rain falls from the heavens, the streets wet with her sorrow. Should she be content, the crisp springtime weather greets the day, leaves rustling in a cool breeze. Should she be consumed by cold rage, the snow blankets the ground and frosty gales tear at the buildings.</p>
<p>Coupled with such fantastic power comes a terrible curse.</p>
<p>Each priestess in each city is afflicted with a mental illness, each seemingly picked at random. Some have manic depression, swinging from ecstasy to crushing depression in a matter of minutes. Others have amnesia, remembering then forgetting joys and sorrows each day. Some are plagued with schizophrenia, the weather as unpredictable as the voices that whisper to them every minute of their existence.  There is only one priestess in every city, and as the lore of the country is spoken <em>Only one, Always one.</em> Should a priestess die or be killed, somewhere in the city region a new child is born at that exact moment to take her place. The country is at the mercy of their priestesses; the people forever appeasing these powerful prophets that hold an unpredictable ability to both heal and destroy the lands they are born in.</p>
<p>On the run from the Silver Empire (the latest tyrannical force that has put a bounty on James&#8217;s head), the Stargazers arrive at this city, unaware of the lore and unaware of the people within. To them, the city is another temporary safe haven &#8211; somewhere to rest and somewhere to recover before they are on their way once again.</p>
<p>James clutches his guitar tightly by his side, face steeled as they enter the gates.</p>
<p>Little do they know what awaits them in this city&#8230;</p>
<p><a title="Characters of Stargazers" href="http://jamesflamestar.com/galleries/uncategorized/characters-of-stargazers/" target="_blank"><strong>Concept Art &#8211; Characters of Stargazers</strong></a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>How to Write an Album: Part Two</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-two/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-two/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 Oct 2012 03:30:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=267</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Music is well and truly in full swing in Flamestar studios. It feels good. Despite the trepidation I&#8217;ve felt about the somewhat lofty goal I&#8217;ve set with the album, I&#8217;m bolstered by my latest efforts. I actually feel like I&#8217;ll be able to achieve what I&#8217;m setting out to accomplish &#8211; and instead of dreading [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Music is well and truly in full swing in Flamestar studios.</p>
<p>It feels good.</p>
<p><strong><span class="shortcode-typography" style="font-family: 'OFL Sorts Mill Goudy TT'; font-size: 16px; color: #ffffff;">I was able to complete the first draft track for Stargazers yesterday.</span></strong> <span class="shortcode-typography" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; color: #000000;"></span> Despite the trepidation I&#8217;ve felt about the somewhat lofty goal I&#8217;ve set with the album, I&#8217;m bolstered by my latest efforts. I actually feel like I&#8217;ll be able to achieve what I&#8217;m setting out to accomplish &#8211; and instead of dreading the challenge, I&#8217;m now starting to relish it.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve been keeping a list of &#8216;inspiration&#8217; songs in my mail inbox-cum-filing cabinet. In my quest to cram as much inspiration into my head as possible I&#8217;ve been listening to a myriad of different genres. Any motif, progression or even general sound that suddenly causes me to prick my ears up and take notice gets entered in the list. As you can imagine it&#8217;s beginning to get quite lengthy.</p>
<p>As a result of jumping back and forth between styles, the album itself is getting written out-of-order. I&#8217;ve been likening it to shooting a movie, though instead of shooting scenes based on which location is favorable at the time, I&#8217;ve been writing as I feel the inspiration for the particular milestones throughout the album. I have a list of working titles that seems to be under constant revision and these serve as the roadmap to the story and the sound therein.</p>
<p>One point that&#8217;s been getting a lot of thinking time over the past few days is how to ensure the album feels cohesive with my plans to wildly vary the sound from one track to the next. Given that I&#8217;ll be throwing all sorts of different genres to the mix there isn&#8217;t a much of an opportunity to use recurring instrumentation to keep the familiarity in place. It&#8217;s an interesting point which I don&#8217;t have an answer for yet; follow on in future weeks as I have no doubt I&#8217;ll have found some jury-rigged way to solve the issue as the weeks go on.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m also looking forward to writing in a time signature other than 4/4. I&#8217;ve been largely constricted to 4/4 because hey, everyone does it. It makes sense, it&#8217;s nice and even, it&#8217;s ingrained into everyone&#8217;s brain as the acceptable meter. Asides from metal and jazz, very few other genres dare to use anything else. It will be fun to challenge these preconceptions &#8211; I plan on writing a significant portion of the album in signatures other than 4/4. It&#8217;s an exciting prospect; having to change my phrasing and melodies to fit an uneven signature will no doubt result in a new way of thinking and approaching music.</p>
<p>Tonight I start work on a radically different track to the one just passed. I&#8217;ll be handing over strings and tuned percussion for electric guitars and drummachines.</p>
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		<title>The Evolution of the Livestream</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/the-evolution-of-the-livestream/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/the-evolution-of-the-livestream/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Oct 2012 00:33:41 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=213</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So with my livestreams, there has been a significant break recently. I am very aware of this. You see, I&#8217;ve been trying to write things quickly when on livestream so that people watching don&#8217;t lose interest. As a result I think I&#8217;m cramping my creativity as I&#8217;m not giving myself time to work things over [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So with my livestreams, there has been a significant break recently. I am very aware of this.</p>
<p>You see, I&#8217;ve been trying to write things quickly when on livestream so that people watching don&#8217;t lose interest. As a result I think I&#8217;m cramping my creativity as I&#8217;m not giving myself time to work things over properly (and I think the quality of these tracks is suffering as a result).</p>
<p>I&#8217;d like to change this up to give cool live experiences that are interesting for you guys.</p>
<p>So over the next month or two I will be putting together a series of minimixes. These will be similar to the supernova set I did in October last year. I will be getting together a few tracks and writing a few remixes, and once a fortnight or once a month (depending on how hard this is to put together) I&#8217;ll do a livestream where you can watch me do the unique form of DJ&#8217;ing where I put the track together on the fly with live FX, building them from the loops and riffs I&#8217;ve written. In addition, I will be incorporating some cool live elements like live playing of some of my instruments (keys and doing some live drums on the MPC pads, and maybe the zendrum).</p>
<p>I&#8217;m hoping that this will be both more enjoyable for you guys (and on a shorter time of 20-30 minutes so you aren&#8217;t stuck watching me for hours on end fiddling with small sections of song), and should make me feel less worried about delivering something everyone will enjoy listening to.</p>
<p>What do you all think of this? I want to hear your feedback!</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>How to write an album: Part One</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-one/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/how-to-write-an-album-part-one/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Oct 2012 23:22:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=208</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So I&#8217;m going to start up weekly blog posts to give you guys a bit of a look into the behind-the-scenes machinations of this album as I kick things into gear. Following the successful funding of the pozible project I was able to put some cash towards things like a proper wordpress theme, an upgraded [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So I&#8217;m going to start up weekly blog posts to give you guys a bit of a look into the behind-the-scenes machinations of this album as I kick things into gear.</p>
<p>Following the successful funding of the pozible project I was able to put some cash towards things like a proper wordpress theme, an upgraded soundcloud account and an upgraded electric guitar soundbank that&#8217;s a staple for most of the work I do. I also got to pay those who&#8217;ve helped me so far &#8211; the logo, the extra clothing design and some cash for hosting. This was then followed by a fairly epic merch order with redbubble for those who have tees/hoodies. I then followed that up with a photoshoot on the weekend so y&#8217;all can gaze at my pretty mug (thanks Morkai!)</p>
<p>So where to from here?</p>
<p>Following the work I&#8217;ve done on Dungeon Deities and Anna&#8217;s Quest I&#8217;ll admit I&#8217;m a little nervous. I&#8217;ve done some of the best work to date on these soundtrack projects and I&#8217;ve raised the bar considerably. So I set out to approach the album in a similar way &#8211; I started work on a background story for the album to give a strong sense of coherency and unity to the songs that I would write. I seem to compose best when I have a theme in mind.</p>
<p>So I started formulating a story. And along came Shane W Smith, and started giving some shape and form to the universe I had in my mind. So now I don&#8217;t just have music to write, but a story to tell with living, breathing characters. I will reveal more about the backing story in due course over the coming months; I don&#8217;t want to give away too much just yet <img src='http://jamesflamestar.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif' alt=';)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>I&#8217;ve also started listening to a whole heap of different genres and music styles, getting as much inspiration as I can and keeping a log of notable songs, riffs and sections. My plan is to mash together all sorts of instruments, synths and sounds that normally wouldn&#8217;t share places on a track to give a unique fusion of styles.</p>
<p>So the foundations are going down and I&#8217;ve got song segments all over the place. Now that I&#8217;ve started to slowly recover from my Borderlands 2 addiction the music writing will start proper.</p>
<p>Stay tuned.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Anna&#8217;s Quest has now been released!</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/annas-quest-has-now-been-released/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/annas-quest-has-now-been-released/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 27 Sep 2012 00:44:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Random]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=204</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So I&#8217;m sure most of you are all aware (some painfully so) that I&#8217;d been spending a significant amount of time a month or two back getting music ready for a new indie game. Well this week it was released! I wrote the entire soundtrack, so if that doesn&#8217;t spur you on to pick it [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So I&#8217;m sure most of you are all aware (some painfully so) that I&#8217;d been spending a significant amount of time a month or two back getting music ready for a new indie game.</p>
<p>Well this week it was released! I wrote the entire soundtrack, so if that doesn&#8217;t spur you on to pick it up then the fact that it will only set you back a fiver should be adequate persuasion.</p>
<p>An insane amount of effort has gone into the game design, and it is *all* voice acted. So, show my buddy Kram some love and get on over to his site to pick up the game!</p>
<p><a title="Anna's Quest - Volume 1" href="http://www.kramsdesign.com/games/annas-quest/" target="_blank">Anna&#8217;s Quest &#8211; Volume 1</a></p>
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		<title>Want to get a free copy of my album + special credits?</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/want-to-get-a-free-copy-of-my-album-special-credits/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/want-to-get-a-free-copy-of-my-album-special-credits/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Sep 2012 05:04:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=199</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hey folks, So my album is well and truly kicking into gear now that the campaign has been successfully funded. I have a special offer for those of you who are interested in assisting me along the way as I write the songs! I need a team of people as a &#8216;listening crew&#8217; &#8211; those [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey folks,<br />
So my album is well and truly kicking into gear now that the campaign has been successfully funded. I have a special offer for those of you who are interested in assisting me along the way as I write the songs!</p>
<p>I need a team of people as a &#8216;listening crew&#8217; &#8211; those who can listen to my drafts and songs as I work on them and provide constructive criticism and feedback. As a special payment/thank you, you will get special credits listed on the album and a free copy of the album itself when it is released &#8211; in addition, you get to hear the album progress from draft to polished final product!</p>
<p>If you&#8217;ve already pledged to my pozible tiers, this will mean you&#8217;ll have two sets of credits on the album and you will get an additional copy to send to a friend!</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re interested drop me a line on twitter and you&#8217;ll be added to a weekly distribution list that will have private drafts.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Snippet from Thursday&#8217;s livestream</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/snippet-from-thursdays-livestream/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/snippet-from-thursdays-livestream/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Aug 2012 13:37:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=173</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So in case you didn&#8217;t tune in on Thursday (it&#8217;s totally ok&#8230; I understand you have more important things to do than watch me *sniffle*) here&#8217;s a tidied up snippet of what you missed out on. There will be another livestream this Friday &#8211; don&#8217;t forget to tune in!]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So in case you didn&#8217;t tune in on Thursday (it&#8217;s totally ok&#8230; I understand you have more important things to do than watch me *sniffle*) here&#8217;s a tidied up snippet of what you missed out on.</p>
<object width="100%" height="81"><param name="movie" value="http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fjamesflamestar%2Fthursday-livestream-snippet%2Fs-k1W7K"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed width="100%" height="81" src="http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fjamesflamestar%2Fthursday-livestream-snippet%2Fs-k1W7K" allowscriptaccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object>
<p>There will be another livestream this Friday &#8211; don&#8217;t forget to tune in!</p>
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		<title>Articulation</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/articulation/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/articulation/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 08 Aug 2012 23:37:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=171</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So there&#8217;s been a whirlwind of activity the past week. Asides from my day job interfering with my music work for Anna&#8217;s quest, my Pozible campaign has launched and hit full funding. It&#8217;s a good result, but not without its share of hard and fast lessons (ie physical merchandise pricing and shipping costs &#8211; you [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So there&#8217;s been a whirlwind of activity the past week. Asides from my day job interfering with my music work for Anna&#8217;s quest, my <a href="http://www.pozible.com/jflamestar">Pozible campaign</a> has launched and hit full funding. It&#8217;s a good result, but not without its share of hard and fast lessons (ie physical merchandise pricing and shipping costs &#8211; you may be surprised to know that out of the full funding goal, I will likely be receiving under half of the money once all the tier rewards are paid for and shipped off to the backers).</p>
<p>So I wanted to give a more in depth explanation of the music I&#8217;ll be writing for this project, as up to this point it&#8217;s been a fairly vague statement of &#8216;gaming music&#8217;. What does that mean exactly?</p>
<p>Well, I like to compare this to two types of music &#8211; Cinematic scores for games and Mainstream music.</p>
<p>Cinematic game tracks are generally sweeping cinematic works, which progress and evolve throughout the track itself. They are very fluid tracks and keep the interest right to the end. However, the one downside of this is often that these tracks are quite short in length &#8211; around the 2 minute mark.</p>
<p>Mainstream music, on the other hand, is generally longer (3-5 minutes), but is focused largely on repetition and structure (for most genres, at least). The upside of this is that these tracks settle into good strong &#8216;groove&#8217; of music.</p>
<p>So, my goal is to essentially combine these two styles with a focus on song length and progression. I want music that can serve as a &#8216;driving force&#8217; while you&#8217;re listening to it &#8211; something to nod your head along to &#8211; but also something with cinematic progression and evolution. Something that changes and morphs. It has to keep your interest, but also keep the pace. So essentially I am aiming for a unique fusion of progressive soundtrack music with a mish-mash of mainstream genres (metal, dnb, etc).<br />
As an example, imagine one of the World of Warcraft tracks &#8211; then 30 seconds into the intro erupts with a driving drum beat. A minute later it switches into an electronic section that melds perfectly with the orchestra. Two minutes after it fades into a bridge, and a minute after that it blends into metal territory. This is the sort of sound I&#8217;m seeking.</p>
<p>In addition, to challenge myself a little further I&#8217;m aiming for a wide spectrum of instrumentation &#8211; from the Orchestras I&#8217;m typically well acquainted with through to guitars, ethnic instrumentation, synths (including 8 bit soundboards) and a variety of weird and junk percussion. This isn&#8217;t without its own set of challenges &#8211; as I discovered during the Dungeon Deities work, some instrumentation does not easily mesh with others (ie 8bit synths when combined with Orchestral instrumentation due to the differences in dynamic range). I feel that the wide soundscape afforded by blending all this unusual instrumentation together will provide something unique that&#8217;s not offered in any other genre. Like I&#8217;ve been saying from the start, I&#8217;m embarking on something genre defying and these unique elements should help me get there. It&#8217;s unmapped territory, and exciting to embark on something new and unique.</p>
<p>Stay tuned.</p>
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		<title>The hour of the wolf</title>
		<link>http://jamesflamestar.com/the-hour-of-the-wolf/</link>
		<comments>http://jamesflamestar.com/the-hour-of-the-wolf/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 02 Aug 2012 10:22:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>jflamestar</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Random]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://jamesflamestar.com/?p=160</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[So before you start reading, here&#8217;s a warning. This is a bit of a personal blog post, and my out-of-whack body clock has my thoughts a little unhinged as a result. So due to that I&#8217;m a tad anxious and on-edge. Read on if you&#8217;re cool with that &#8211; this sort of blog post is [...]]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>So before you start reading, here&#8217;s a warning. This is a bit of a personal blog post, and my out-of-whack body clock has my thoughts a little unhinged as a result. So due to that I&#8217;m a tad anxious and on-edge. Read on if you&#8217;re cool with that &#8211; this sort of blog post is going to be few and far between. I&#8217;m still not sure how I feel about posting this.</p>
<p><em>&#8220;The Hour of the Wolf is the hour between night and dawn. It is the hour when most people die, when sleep is deepest, when nightmares are most real. It is the hour when the sleepless are haunted by their deepest fear, when ghosts and demons are most powerful.&#8221;</em></p>
<p>- Tagline from the 1968 Ingmar Bergman horror film entitled <em>Hour of the Wolf.</em></p>
<p>So I&#8217;m staring into the maw of two night shifts and I&#8217;m nervous. Not only is some big work going on and it has super high visibility (so I can&#8217;t screw up!), but I&#8217;m going to be up and kicking during the hour of the wolf. The hour of the wolf is typically in the early early morning, and represented the time wolves would lurk outside your home waiting.</p>
<p>I hate this time of night.</p>
<p>The hour of the wolf is the time at night when your demons loom. When your best effort doesn&#8217;t seem enough. Everyone else is asleep, tucked away, and you are fighting poltergeists of problems and worries and fears.</p>
<p>Maybe the thing that makes these fears the worst is that they base themselves off very real concerns and problems we identify in ourselves. An unwarranted fear can generally be cast aside; but one with a seed of truth scares us to the core.</p>
<p>For me, mine focus around myself as a person. I&#8217;ve always been an utter failure at social situations and friendships and human relationships in general. I just can&#8217;t work them. I&#8217;ve covered it up over the years by speaking loudly and behaving in an extroverted fashion but really, that&#8217;s just not me. It&#8217;s a clever cover, but if you hang around long enough you see it&#8217;s not the real me.<br />
It comes to a point where you have enough people come and go as friends, close friends and companions and you realize they aren&#8217;t to blame for the broken bridges and ashes left in the wake of their friendship. It&#8217;s <em>you</em>. You can strike back at life for dealing you lemons, you can huddle away from the world, but it&#8217;s not going to stop the circle you insist on traveling in. And that notion, that feeling is both terrifying and depressing. Being alone, being solitary is not what human beings were built to do. It slowly destroys us. So why are some of us so intent on destroying any meaningful social relations and relegating ourselves to this lonely hermit existence?</p>
<p>I&#8217;m quick to judge. I&#8217;m horribly vindictive and will write people and things off at the drop of a hat and it&#8217;s plagued me my entire life. Sure, I have my reasons, I have my battle scars for acting this way. But it doesn&#8217;t make it <em>right</em>. So why is it so hard to change? Why do we keep repeating the mistakes of our past?</p>
<p>It&#8217;s super hard to be a good human being sometimes. We&#8217;re all broken and we&#8217;re all very hard to fix. These flaws that make us imperfect make us human, make us relatable. But do they make us bad people?</p>
<p>I&#8217;m sure I&#8217;ll have plenty of time to contemplate during the hour of the wolf.</p>
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